Trending Topics: Spring Breakers movie review - [a case of the summer]

....Or, as I'd like to call it, quite possibly the worst movie in the history of cinema.

Yeah, so earlier tonight I decided to order Spring Breakers.  I know, I know, but I have a mini crush on Selena Gomez AND Vanessa Hudgens, and hey, Ashley Benson isn't hard on the eyes either.  But it VERY quickly became a huge ordeal.  I struggled.  A lot.  And I watch A LOT of bad movies.

I'm not even going to do a spoiler page break, because frankly I don't even know what the story was.  This movie was literally devoid of a plot.  For some flimsy reason they desperately wanted to go on spring break and they went through completely inconceivable lengths to make it happen.  Were their actions supposed to be shocking?  Expected?  A sign of things to come?  I haven't a clue, because we had no understanding whatsoever about who these characters were.  So really it just came across as "Wait, did that just happen?  What, there are no repercussions?  And hold on, nobody seems to care or be disturbed about this?"

So then they go on spring break.  And what do they do?  I haven't the faintest clue, because we don't actually see them do ANYTHING.  And that was the even bigger problem with the movie -- we never, ever watch anything happen.  Practically every single scene in the movie is cut and spliced together.  Very rarely does the scene ever focus on somebody as they speak.  Instead, somebody starts talking and the narration plays over a series of rapid short scenes.  And then, for good measure, they repeat certain lines over and over again ("spring....break....forever....")  There's barely any dialogue between the characters.  Again, it's just a series of lines narrated over a series of short clips.

So, much like the beginning, there's no investment in the characters or their plight.  When they hit their first hurdle, am I supposed to be sad?  Do I want them to overcome it?  Am I supposed to think they got what they deserve?  Well, I don't even get a chance to contemplate these things, because it's quickly resolved after a series of quick clips!!

It's just one inexplicable thing after another, where the characters make decisions and take actions that you couldn't possibly fathom.  I visited IMDB because, for once, I DID want to read about the negativity.  Shockingly, there were people who tried to argue that this was actually some sort of social commentary.  What?  How so?  Honestly, I think it just existed so that we could see actresses who came from Disney saying extraordinarily inappropriate things.

But hey, I still have a crush on Selena and Vanessa.