And isn't it ironic....don't you think? NO!

Everybody knows one of those people. Ya' know, the person who makes the astute and original remark that none of the examples in Alanis Morissette's single "Ironic" is actually, ya' know, ironic. Well, as a college graduate who majored in English, I can attest to the fact that yes, for the most part, that assessment is true. However, I offer up an alternate theory: Isn't it ironic in and of itself that a song title "Ironic" includes several examples, none of which are actually ironic?

According to dictionary.com, irony is defined as:

1. the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning: the irony of her reply, “How nice!” when I said I had to work all weekend.
2. Literature.
a. a technique of indicating, as through character or plot development, an intention or attitude opposite to that which is actually or ostensibly stated.
b. (esp. in contemporary writing) a manner of organizing a work so as to give full expression to contradictory or complementary impulses, attitudes, etc., esp. as a means of indicating detachment from a subject, theme, or emotion.

Anyway, I thought I'd offer up a quick examination of my own. Here are the lyrics (in italics), with my interpretation (in bold) underneath:

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day
It's a black fly in your Chardonnay
It's a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

Nope, not quite. An elderly person experiencing something extremely emotional and, I'm sure, stressful, only to die the next day seems somewhat natural. And receiving a death row pardon two minutes after being executed is just shitty timing. A black fly in Chardonnay seems more unfortunate than anything else.

Chorus:
It's like rain on your wedding day
It's a free ride when you've already paid
It's the good advice that you just didn't take
Who would've thought... it figures

For what it's worth: Optimists believe that it's good fortune when it rains on your wedding day. But to the glass half empty types, it's really just bad luck. And already paying for a free ride sounds like a rip off to me. And not taking perfectly good advice? That's just stubborn.

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
"Well isn't this nice..."
And isn't it ironic... don't you think

Actually, uttering "well isn't this nice..." as the plane goes down is perhaps the one thing in this song that CAN truly be defined as ironic. But the scenario as a whole? I think I'd mark it down as bad luck, but not ironic.

Chorus
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
A traffic jam when you're already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn't it ironic...don't you think
A little too ironic...and, yeah, I really do think...

Traffic jam when you're already late? Perfectly sensible. Most people ARE late BECAUSE of traffic jams. A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break? Highly likely, considering that smoking is illegal in most public places. At worse, it's an inconvenience, really. Ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife? Well, that's just plain inefficient and reeks of poor planning. And meeting the person of your dreams only to discover that they're already hitched? Nothing more than unfortunate and, actually, quite typical.

Chorus
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
Life has a funny, funny way of helping you out
Helping you out

So there you have it. Not much in the way of irony, huh?