Wade Keller is a real dick

Let me preface this by saying that I don't like Mike Adamle (who most of you probably remember as the host of the original American Gladiators), and I think that him replacing Joey Styles as ECW's play-by-play commentator was a HUGE disappointment. That said, in last week's coverage of ECW on Sci-Fi, Wade Keller of PWTorch.com was unnecessarily harsh.

I mean Keller absolutely, positively tore this guy a new one. Honestly, you would have thought Adamle raped Keller's puppy or something. Give the page a read -- practically the entire column is filled with quotes of what Adamle had said and why he's an idiot for saying it. Keller tore apart every single little thing Adamle said, and a lot of the times the criticisms didn't even make sense.

For example, Keller says: Adamle said Kofi's "reputation preceded him here" because he got a great ovation. Huh? That makes no sense. Not even a little bit.

Actually, that statement makes perfect sense. People are cheering for him because of his past achievements. By that line of reasoning, they are already aware of his accomplishments. Hence, his reputation precedes him.

This actually reminds me a few weeks ago, when Keller decided that he'd like to sound ultra evolved by sticking up for homosexuals by chastising John Cena for making fun of Randy Orton for liking My Two Dads. Hey, I fully agree that it's lame to call somebody "gay" as an insult. But too bad My Two Dads has nothing to do with gay couples. He's basically saying that Orton likes corny 80's/90's sitcoms -- but hey, good for you for sticking up for the little guy!

Making matters worse, in his virtual time coverages -- which are not live, mind you. Keller can easily edit his work before publishing each section -- contains countless errors. He constantly mixes up wrestlers' names or what people said. Hell, I've even seen him incorrectly state who won the match! Actually, you know what? Lets look at some of the gems from last night's Raw coverage (Keller's stuff appears in blue italics):

1 -- CHRIS JERICHO vs. MVP - King of the Ring Quarter-Finals
MVP dominated the vasty majority of the first nine minutes....WINNER: Jericho in 5:00 via tapout.

So let me get this straight....MVP dominates the first nine minutes, but the match is only 5 minutes long? Incredible! And this is only the first match.

And what the hell is "vasty"??!?!

It's too risky to do on live TV, but it'd be fascinating to watch matches between wrestlers who really didn't know until ring introductions whom they were facing and didn't know until the ref told them before the bell how long they had and who was going over and how.

Yes, that would be fascinating. If only there was some sort of cyber-related Pay-Per-View in which they did something like this.

Ross announced that the four-way main event had become an Elimination Match with all four men in the ring at once to start.

No, actually they announced that the match wouldn't end until one person remained. Hence why it is now "elimination."

A promo aired with JBL. He predicted he'd become the King of the Ring.

If by "King of the Ring" you mean "WWE Champion," then yes Wade, you're spot-on.

4 -- WILLIAM REGAL vs. HORNSWOGGLE - King of the Ring Quarter-Finals
Finlay ran up to grab Hornswoggle away from Finlay, who was unable to do anything with his injured leg.

Really, so Finlay ran up to grab Hornswoggle away from himself? Amazing! And we're still on the first hour of a three hour show, folks.

They went into a nice serious of pin attempts and counters.

I'm glad that their pin attempts weren't joking around.

-A gaggle of Divas walked to the ring to Maria music. Maria, Ashley, Candice Michelle, Cherry, and Kelly Kelly stood together in the ring.

Yeah, Candice Michelle wasn't there.

Chavo's ring entrance took place during the commercial.

Or it happened during the show, in between JBL and Edge's entrances. But I can see how easily you could miss something as subtle as somebody coming out to music and doing exaggerating mannerisms while the announcers talk about him.

See how easy it is to make somebody look like an incompetent tool by putting every single little thing somebody writes or says under the microscope?

Last year I took advantage of an offer to get a couple of free issues of Pro Wrestling Torch, and I was really unimpressed. I expected something like a newspaper, instead I got something that resembled those tri-fold pamphlets you get at church. It was basically material that appears on their website, with numerous spelling and formatting errors.

Basically, the best thing about the PWTorch is Grant Gould's artwork.