Movie Reviews Galore! GI Joe, Watchmen, I Love You, Man, Last House on the Left, Obsessed

In place of a Video of the Week, I thought I'd just provide an onslaught of movie reviews, featuring many of the films that appeared on my Top Ten Cases list of movies I'm most looking forward to. Naturally, hindsight is 20/20, and after seeing a number of these movies, I'd probably re-evaluate the order in which they appear. But that's another list for another day.

Please click the "Read More" link for my reviews. Be warned, though, ALL OF THESE REVIEWS CONTAIN SPOILERS! Since many of you may not have seen all of the movies that I will review, I have opted to write each review in a different color text. That way you'll be able to skip over a certain section more easily. Enjoy!

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra:

After the reviews I read and overall word of mouth, I was expecting GI Joe to be so bad that it would give me testicular cancer. Yet I still felt obligated to see it, if only because I was looking so forward to it for so long.

And I have to say, it far exceeded my expectations. Maybe that's because I went into the movie with such low expectations. I was honestly not expecting a single redeemable factor. But, honestly, it kept me thoroughly entertained and despite the large cast, I really did get grow to care about the core characters.

And yes, certain aspects of the film are not entirely faithful to the classic series. First off, they're not all Americans (and considering the movie's tendency to spew out all of the cheesy one liners -- mostly in a tongue-in-cheek manner -- this was a bit surprising). Secondly, a number of the main heroes and villains have had their backstories rewritten in order to create a more personal rivalry. Has anybody seen that episode of The Venture Brothers where we learn that virtually every core character went to college together? It kinda felt like that. Duke was int he army with Rip Cord and Cobra Commander, who is Baroness' brother, who as it happens, is engaged to Duke. You get the idea.

As far as performances go, I initially thought Channing Tatum was terrible (which is disappointing, since Duke is my favorite good guy). His "acting" took me completely out of the movie. But once he joined the Joes, his faults quickly dissipated. Marlon Wayans got a lot of heat for his involvement in the film, but I actually quite enjoyed his performance. His comic relief was genuine. I was INCREDIBLY skeptical of the kid from 3rd Rock From the Sun playing Cobra Commander, but I was EXCEPTIONALLY pleasantly surprised. I thought he did a great job. And I LOVED the way his character was hiding in plain sight the entire movie, emerging at the way end as the one TRULY pulling the strings.

My one complaint? I hated the mask. I wish he had worn the classic hood. Cobra Commander looks pretty f'n bad ass in his modern-day black and red outfit. Look it up, kids.

Enthusiasts were critical of the accelerator suits as well, but don't fret: They're limited to one single scene. And I have to admit that it was a pretty exhilarating scene.

Overall, definitely worth a DVD rental.

Watchmen:

It's odd. By traditional means, Watchmen was a far better film than GI Joe. Yet I was disappointed by Watchmen, and GI Joe was better than expected. And in the end, I'd probably still rank GI Joe higher on my list.

It's been a while since I've seen it, so I can't quite put my finger on why I found it disappointing, but it felt really, really long. And it was somewhat hard to follow at times.

That being said, I did find the characters interesting. And the plight of essentially sacrificing your life for a lie in order to better humanity is an interesting one. I also appreciated the lack of a "bad guy" in the midst of the love triangle.

I Love You, Man:

This is your basic definition of a classic buddy comedy. Everybody -- from the couples to the friendships -- had solid, believable, and enjoyable chemistry with one another.

Perhaps my favorite part, though, was how relatable everybody was -- at all stages of the movie. Whether you're the girl competing with your boyfriend's best friend, or the single guy whose friends are all growing up by getting married and having kids, or the guy who's just been more comfortable around women than men -- you can understand somebody's plight. And as the movie progresses and the dynamics change, you still relate. I mean, who hasn't had a significant other who reveals your most personal moments, only to get upset when you do the same?

However, while I consistently laugh, I did expect it to be funnier. Definite recommendation, though.

Last House on the Left:

While this was undoubtedly one of the more clever and unique horror films, it wasn't quite what I expected it to be. Based on the previews I initially saw, I thought this movie would have the protagonists taking the antagonist role, essentially preying upon the villains.

Instead, for the most part, the movie had the characters playing the classic roles. The good guys were forced to protect themselves in order to survive, and the bad guys were the aggressors. The sole exception was the scene at the end, however that was so outlandish that it didn't really help matters, in my opinion. That's not to say the characters weren't well written (they were) and that they didn't play their roles believably (they did) -- I'm just a bit disappointed.

Nonetheless, it was a very exciting film. And those that enjoy the genre, I believe, will appreciate this movie for what it is and what it attempts to achieve.

Obsessed:

Likewise, you need to go into a movie like Obsessed understanding what it is and what it attempts to achieve. However, if I were to discourage somebody from any of the films in this review, it'd be this one.

It's not that the movie is necessarily bad, it's just that it was lazily written. Ali Larter's character has an obsessive crush on her boss, but why? Because he's good looking? Because he's powerful? Because he reminds him of somebody from her past? We never find out. Further, we never truly come to understand whether she has a history of mental illness.

And then there was the whole thing where her temp position was extended because numerous administrative personnel got the flu. Was this just a coincidence? Or did she somehow give them the flu? And if so -- how? Is she some sort of mad chemist?